


remember

by klixxy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Character Study, Heavy Angst, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Relationship Study, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Dies, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, this is me venting after endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 06:42:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18987349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klixxy/pseuds/klixxy
Summary: Sometimes, Peter could still hear his voice.He could see the crinkle in his eyes as grinned shrewdly at him, fond glance hidden under glinting glasses. He could feel his hand, rough and calloused, with a slight circular dent where his repulsors usually sat, warm and gentle as he guided him through the lines of code or the chemical process of his newest discovery....Sometimes, Peter could still hear his voice.He remembered.He wished he did not.





	remember

**Author's Note:**

> Just me doing my part after Endgame.  
> *emerges from a burning pile of work*  
> *throws this at you and a promise of another Peter Parker angst*  
> *sinks back into the flames of despair*

Sometimes, Peter could still hear his voice. 

He could see the crinkle in his eyes as grinned shrewdly at him, fond glance hidden under glinting glasses. He could feel his hand, rough and calloused, with a slight circular dent where his repulsors usually sat, warm and gentle as he guided him through the lines of code or the chemical process of his newest discovery. He could smell that special scent of iron and chemicals and coffee that he carried with him as he pressed up against him in what he repeatedly denied was a hug. He could taste the omelette he had made for him, burnt and charred but made with the effort he so rarely bothered to give, that he choked down despite it having tasted like ash and smoke because his heart swelled with warmth at the kind gesture. He could hear his smug, cheery voice, greeting him with a quick _"Hey, kid."_ Hear his voice from way back when he was young, at the Stark Expo, muffled by the ironman suit amidst the chaos as he rescued him with a simple _"Good job, kid."_ Hear his laugh as he ruffled his hair after they exploded yet another machine in the lab, faces smeared with oil and ash, hair a tangled mess, but happy nonetheless. 

Hear his last words as he defeated Thanos with a simple, determined, _"And I. Am. Ironman."_

Hear himself talking to him as he laid amongst the boulders, his right side twisted with burns and scars; _"Mr. Stark, Mr. Stark, we won, Mr. Stark….. we won…….."_. See himself reach out and touch him with feather light fingers, scared that he'll melt away; scared of the way his eyes could no longer focus on him, of the way that he was, irrevocably, inevitably, _dying_. Hear himself whisper out a quiet _"I'm sorry…. Tony."_ tears welling up in his eyes. Watch himself peel away as if in some dark, twisted dream, watching with wide, unseeing eyes as Pepper Potts, a woman who had been like a second mother to him, a strong, independent, brave, _happy_ woman, _cried_ as she spoke to her husband in his last moments. 

Watch as Tony Stark, Ironman, his mentor, his savior, the person he admired the most, his hero and his _father, died._

Feel the world melt away as he watched those eyes that had stared at him with such mischief, light, joy, worry, sadness, pain, horror, anger, and even adoration fade out to dull gray. Feel his body go numb as he stumbled forwards; _"Mr. Stark, what are you doing, get up, we won! Get up, Mr. Stark, get up, please…."_ because he couldn't process why Tony Stark was lying there on the ground, unresponsive, cold and deadweight. He didn't _want_ to process.

Feel arms wrap around his sides as Pepper sobs into his back, her tears running uselessly down the cold sides of his suit, the suit that _he_ gave him. Feel his own arms reach out weakly in an attempt to reach the man lying dejectedly on the ground because _why wasn't he getting up?_ Hear his voice babble something useless; because he wasn't getting up, wasn't answering, wasn't _breathing._

See the tears blur his vision and the arms of the rest of the team drag him away, away, from the one person he had trusted the most for the past 2 years, even more than May. 

From the person who had been a part of him; a father. From his father, who was _dead._

Feel the emptiness ringing in his heart as he watched with blank eyes as what was left of Tony Stark was sent out into the lake, the flowers slowly soaked up and dragged hungrily under the water until all that was left was the arc reactor. _His_ arc reactor that had always burned bright and made that peculiar whirring sound every time he laughed; a deep, familiar sound echoing from his chest. The arc reactor that was now cracked and dark.

Feel nothing, even as the days or weeks or perhaps even months passed in a flurry of colors and light and people and hushed voices saying _"He isn't eating…. The trauma….. still can't process…. poor boy…."_

Feel the loneliness as he lay on his bed, withering away, everything frozen, everything silent, everything dark. Feel so, so, alone as he picked up his phone and called him. Again and again and again, hearing his familiar voice saying _“Hi, I’m Tony Stark, Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist, and I would kindly like to ask you to fuck off, I’m busy, thanks.”_ Feel the emptiness crawling through his gut grow in intensity until he could feel nothing, see nothing, hear nothing, _be nothing._

Feel pain as he finally realized, listening to Tony’s voice go to voicemail again and again and _again_ , that Tony Stark was gone.

Feel deep, heart- wrenching grief as he realized that he was _dead._

That he was _gone_ , and he was _**never coming back.**_

Feel the memories of joy haunt him and carve him out until everything was drowned out by the pain _scorching_ at his core, and the hole that _gaped _in his heart.__

____

____

Feel his sorrow, pounding in his head, on and on and _on._

Feel his heart, _roaring_ in his ears. 

Feel the tears run down his face, as he finally, _finally, **sobbed.**_

__._ _

__._ _

__._ _

Every time Peter Parker saw him; in an ad, in a video, in a graffiti on the wall, in a store, in the compound, in the streets, he remembered.

He remembered everything.

He remembered, and felt the guilt and grief weigh him down like he was Atlas, and the burden of the entire world sat upon his shoulders.

He remembered, even as he stared down at the Spiderman suit held between his trembling fingers, because the world was clamoring for the next Ironman, screaming for Spiderman to fill his shoes.

He remembered as he _cried_ , shoving the suit deep, deep within the confines of his closet, because he _wasn’t ready_ , and he _couldn’t do this_ , because every time he put it on and KAREN spoke into his ear, he saw _his face_ , heard _his voice_ , and then he was chucking the mask across the room, because he was _back there_ , and Tony was _dying_ , and he couldn’t _**breathe.**_

He remembered _everything_ , and it wasn’t _fair._

It wasn’t fair how _he_ died while he _lived._

It wasn’t fair how he had lost all of the people he had considered a father _right in front of his eyes_ in the short time span of less than 5 years.

It wasn’t fair how _he had **died**_ , and left him behind, _**broken.**_

It wasn’t fair, but _life wasn’t fair._

Life had _**never** been fair._

Because _Peter Parker had lived._

__

__But he wished……_ _

__

__

__

__He wished…_ _

__

__

__

__

__

__That he had not._ _


End file.
